I just administered the reading section of a mock TOEFL exam for my cousin, who is 20 years old and just failed his first semester of college in the States. He scored 17/74 points. He cannot matriculate as a full-time academic student until he a) scores at least 70/120 on the actual TOEFL and b) passes his remedial English classes at school.*

Self, say hello to the rest of your week (“vacation”) at home.

*He has already taken the TOEFL three times over the past year, scoring 32, 30 and 29, in that order.